Main menu


Do You Doubt Your Parenting Ability? | The Mel Robbins Show

- Welcome back to the Mel Robbins Show.

I'm Mel Robbins and I'm here with Maegan who feels like

she's barely a good Mom, barely a good wife,

and barely successful.

She says she feels trapped in quick sand,

and is filled with negative self talk.

Dr. Judith Joseph is a psychiatrist who has worked with

people in Meghan's shoes, and I personally have

written and produced and released two number one

audiobooks related to this topic.

And so Dr. Judith, thank you for joining us.

- Thank you for having me.

- You know you heard back stage that Maegan's Dad,

deadbeat Dad, abandoned the family,

when you find and treat somebody in your practice,

what are the issues that you often bump into

when abandonment is on the table?

- Your reaction is very typical.

You're blaming yourself,

and children blame themselves.

They think why wasn't I good enough.

Why wasn't I lovable enough?

It's a natural reaction, however when you carry that

into adulthood it can create problems for you,

and I think you're acknowledging that.

- What are the typical problems that you see?

- Insecurities, never feeling like you fit in,

or trying so hard, and that numbing that you described

is really anxiety, it's fear.

And it restricts you because you're stuck

in a comfort zone.

You don't want to take risks, so you just play it safe.

But guess what?

That fear of failing at something new is a natural fear.

Everyone fears a failure, but if you stay put

and don't take risks, that's failure in itself.

So you have nothing to lose.

- What I see in the way that you're acting

is you are abandoning your life everyday

because you are not engaging with it.

It's an old pattern to separate yourself emotionally,

and in order to have the next chapter of your life

be the most amazing chapter,

we gotta close that force field.

We gotta get rid of that barrier,

and so the opposite of abandoning is engaging,

and you already said it, if it's a form of anxiety

the numbness that keeps you paralyzed, action is the answer.

And so we're gonna do a little exercise right now.

- Okay.

- You ready?

- I think so.

- So if you were a good Mom, if you were good enough,

name one thing that you would do that you don't do now.

- Oh boy, that's a long list it feels like,

help my children to dream more,

to help them really envision their passion.

- Great, okay, so give me one specific thing that

that would be.

Would you take them to the library, would you read a book,

would you sit down with them once a week

and explore something?

Give me as specific step.

I probably would sit down and have them write and journal

or vision boards or something that's the visual.

- Okay, I love that.

So you're going to create a vision board with your kids,

okay, that is one step.

The reason why I'm asking you to take a step

is because if you start taking action,

and engaging in your life, you will see yourself

doing the things that you personally believe

a good Mom would do,

and it's in the doing of it, that your mind goes,

oh, well she's acting like a good Mom, I must be one,

and then this is where the five second rule comes in.

The second that it's a moment to engage,

and you literally shrink and go numb, right,

because the anxiety's going to come up.

You're going to use the five second rule

to make a decision, I'm making a vision board today.

What are you feeling?

(audience claps)

- I mean it makes a lot sense.

I got to take the action.

- You have to.

I'm telling you there's no other way.

- Yep.

- There's no other way seriously.

This is how you thaw out from being numb.

You break through the ice one step at a time.

Thank you for being here.

- Thank you.

- Thank you Dr. Judith.

- Thank you.

- Always for joining us.

We'll be right back.